A Funny Thing Happened Storming The Castle from hairylarry's blog

Vivian and I made these up in Inspired Unreality Gamers Chat last Monday.

Please add more in the comments. I'm trying to build a D20 table of quest lighteners so you can randomly throw some humor into your quest.

Some of these are good and some are just jokes. Not that there's anything wrong with jokes. If you've got any good quest jokes put them in the comments too.

The table below was created in CherryTree and copied and pasted into this blog post. The lines aren't visible so I created some white space between entries.

1 Creeping through a dungeon, castle, etc the party sees a horrifying shadow on the wall opposite a turn to the right. When they finally build up the courage to peek around the corner or jump in with swords drawn they see a little kitty playing with a candle.

2 Stealth mode on the party is sneaking through the woods, swamp, or grasslands when they come to a river with a baby floating face down. Throwing caution to the wind they dive in to rescue the baby only to find out it's a doll. After they struggle back to the river bank a little girl walks up and says, "Thank you for rescuing my baby doll." Then she takes the doll and walks off never to be seen again.3

The bald cleric, Rogain, is extremely devout and has deep faith in his God. However whenever he meets a priest or pilgrim from another religion he converts immediately and follows his new God with equal fervor. For some reason, whenever he is near a tavern, he becomes a devout follower of Dionysius.

4 A bizarro world vampire is un-undead and he's scared of the dark.

5 A party of three dwarves wading through a creek sees an extremely large alligator moving toward them. One of the dwarves pulls out his sling shot and loads it with a cup of mud which he shoots into the alligator's eye. Moral of the story?

6 When the carnival came to town last year the little baby dragons were all the rage. When the city folk learned how much baby dragons ate they pitched them in the sewer. Now this year you are creeping through the sewer trying to storm the castle. You make a left turn and what do you see/smell? A rather odiferous dragon. And it's not a baby anymore.

7 Three skeletons walked into a bar and ordered three pints. The bartender served the skeletons and then turned to the barmaid and said, "Better go get a mop."

8 A thief was bent on pilfering a castle. He checked around the back and spied a window partly open. Carefully and quietly he slid the window up and crawled through. As soon as his second leg hit the floor the window slammed shut behind him. The thief froze thinking "Damn, that was loud." Barely breathing he counted 60 seconds but nobody came. It was as dark as a dungeon but the thief still had that wand he stole from the blind wizard. When he brought it out it glowed softly. The thief looked around. He had successfully snuck into a jail cell.

9 The chest just yelled treasure. Look at that big lock. Look at that iron hasp. Look at those reinforced corners. The thief was sure it must be trapped. He checked the hinges. He poked here and there with his dagger. He carefully lifted the lock ever so slightly and checked behind it. Nothing so far. He got out his lock picks but before he started on the lock he wiggled them into the hasp. He tapped gently on the sides and the top. He carefully grabbed one handle and lifted one side of the chest a tiny bit. Sticky his dagger under the corner he peered under it. Nothing. So he went to work on the lock. Before he tried to unlock it he felt here and there for traps. Needles that flew out. A sudden pinch on his finger. Nothing. He finally started working on the lock itself. It opened pretty easily. He carefully set it aside and used his dagger to lift the hasp up. He stuck his dagger through the slot in the hasp and inched the lid open. Nothing happened. "I can't believe that this chest isn't trapped." thought the thief. He took his dagger and opened the lid all the way. The chest was empty.

10 The adventurers were led to believe that the cleric wasn't all the way there. Two screws short of a hinge, if you know what I mean. Nonetheless when the cleric sent for them they went to see what was up. Gold from the collection plate was still gold even if it came from a crazy man. When they got there the cleric said, "I heard you did a good job getting rid of those rats down at the dock. I have a similar problem. You see, I've got bats in my belfry."

11 The jester wore an invisible hat and his shoes were made from the wings of a bat. Nothing was too lowly to be reused and he never hesitated to be amused. As he traveled from here to there he often stopped to pick up trash for he knew that one man's trash was another man's cash.

12 The Order Of White Ninjas were lawful good, like paladins. They considered themselves far superior to the regular ninjas all dressed up in black, the white ninjas only wore white, there was no darkness in them. The only problem was the only place they could sneak around was in hospitals.